i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
