Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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