Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
