i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I think I am morally bankrupt
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
