I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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