there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
40s are totally the cure
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
tell me about the eggs
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
