thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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