she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
