he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Randomize