I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
