I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
