I want to walk on stilts...naked
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
