CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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