How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
