let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Randomize
