Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
