dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
