Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
