I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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