pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
