Umm I'm too high to move.
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
