Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
