the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
