I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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