I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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