my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
