So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
