We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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