I met the friendliest cop last night
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
