her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
So vagazzling was a success
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
