non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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