Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
