That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
