thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
