Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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