I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
