Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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