your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I will pee on everything he values.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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