This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
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