the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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