I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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