In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
