Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
