i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
