I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
