it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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