worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Randomize
