it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
