alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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