Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
