I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
At least make sure they are 18
Why
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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