afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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