remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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