That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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