I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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