It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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