I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Randomize
