Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
she looked like the before picture.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
