Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize