Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
