I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
