I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
