My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
