I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Randomize
