he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
