Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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