You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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